Feeling Alone
A good friend of mine is leaving in roughly two months. It’s part of the military life and I accept that. What’s hard is that she is truely my best friend here. When I am feeling down and out I know I can call her or just walk over to her place. That option isn’t going to be there any more.
If any of you are reading this and find offence, for once, I am not sorry. I’m not. I’m at my breaking point with these matters. I’ve held them in for far too long. I’ve tried to talk about them verbally before but it all gets brushed aside like it doesn’t matter. Well, it does to me. I’m through getting hurt. I’m better than that, I deserve better than that.
Yes, I do have other friends or people I think are friends but I’m not quite sure about. Like events are kinda planned…like I’m aware of them but never told a time or place. Or I offer to go out for lunch or hang out but am left waiting for about an hour before I just give up and do my own thing.
It all really got to me today. I’m very sick of the illusion of being included but not really being included. I don’t understand why it keeps happening. Perhaps I’m too forgiving because this has happend many, many times and each time another plan or gathering is in the works I think it will be different. I think that I just might have a night out with my lady friends…time away from John and the hubby that I desperately need (don’t get me wrong, I love them, but I need other adult interaction that isn’t my family).
Yes, I do have other friends here that don’t bail or shut me out here. However, one is back to working and another is focused whole heartedly on her college studies and yet another is getting into shape for her husband when he returns, kudos for them, I’m proud of them.
I know I should get out and meet other people but it’s hard in this community. I have tried Army Family Team Building and our Family Readiness Group. I just don’t seem to fit in, trend in my life I think. Too geeky, too nice, too open, too everything I suppose.
This is not a pity party, oh woe is me sort of thing. This is me getting out what I needed to say, what I’ve been holding back for roughly a year or so. Yeah, it’s taken me this long to get it all out. I was hesitant to even write this but I had a good long talk with my husband and he feels that I should get it out. Perhaps it will make some more aware. It’s just a time where I really needed to be blunt.
So, if you do want to hang out or get together with sincerity, call me, you have my number. Lets make plans and keep them.
*hugs*
~Jen
I’m here, sorta…
A few days ago I decided to pull out the cross stitch I’m working on for my sister. It is beyond beautiful. I keep stitching it and keep wanting to keep it for myself instead. It’s a Blue Fairy Princess with a powder blue background, lots of metallic blending filaments (pain in the butt to work with by the way) and some bead work. Hopefully, I’ll be done with it next week and can get back to my regular life.
I’ve also been caught up in Dave Barry and Ridley Peirson’s “Peter and the Shadow Theives”. It’s a prequil to Peter Pan. I’d love to read the original by James Barrie some day. I can’t find it at our Bookmark.
Teething is also going on over here. Soooo not fun. I don’t like seeing my son in pain and even more, I don’t like him not eating well because of it. We even tried the rice cereal in his bottle last night. Whoever said that keeps them down longer is full of crap. Yes, you read right, full of crap. He actually woke up earlier than usual…and then again for a second time, now. Granted, that could be due to him wanting to chew on anything just to make his gums feel better. C’mon teeth, get here already, Mommy wants sleep! Yes, I’ve tried Oragel, it’s meh and it smells like fake cherries, blech.
Heh, yeah, another reason why I’ve been scarce is that usually…usually, John sleeps 7 hours in a row and Bry will put him back down. I typically blog at the butt crack of dawn if he gets up for a second time in the night. That hasn’t happend in a LONG time.
I’ll get photos up of our new couch soon. I have ‘em, just haven’t uploaded them or resized them yet. Like I said, doin’ lots of not internet stuffs lately.
*Hugs*
~Jen
Here’s those Pics I promised…
I know weeks ago I said I would have photos of the frozen fog, John as Jesus and who knows what else. Well, I found time, finally. It’s just been crazy around here with all the celebrations…it isn’t over yet either. Thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday here! It was a good one, much much better than last year, I must say that.
John and his friend Kira. On the Edit page this looked a bit pixelated, so sorry if it looks like that here too.
The lovely IV that got stuck in John’s head. This was taken the day he got disconnected from all that lovely stuff and we got to go home!
John piggybacking daddy. I think it’s a sweet picture.
Frozen fog on a fence. I thought it looked really neat. This stuff was -everywhere-. It looked like snow from our 3rd floor home, but when you got close to it you could see the rather large ice crystals.
And here is John as Baby Jesus. This is before Mass so the parents could get snap happy without interrupting anything. While he did his part he was binkie-less, soaking wet, and content as could be. I was impressed with how well behaved he was.
Alright, now I gotta sit here and wait for our new couch. Kinda odd seeing our living room with just the computer desks and a coffee table.
*hugs*
~Jen
My hubby amazes me.
Well, our fourth anniversary has come and gone and I must say I loved it! Even the mass that Sunday was fitting. It was about families, marriage, and parents. After mass we opened our gifts to each other. Mine to him were lame. Let’s just say the theme this year was fruit and I went novelty. Bry on the other hand, surprised me, twice!
Over a year ago I was working on getting some lady friends hooked on Desperate Housewives like I am and managed to lose the first disk of the first season in the process. Since then we’ve been trying to download it or whatever we can to get the one disk without having to buy the entire season. He found the season on sale and got it for me just so I can have that disk. The ladies of the show hold apples…see the theme? Then the next one, the biggest one and the one I am most thrilled about is my Kitchenaid mixer! The day I saw it appear on the Oprah Christmas giveaway show and pined over it, he bought it for me. I was even griping about my holiday baking saying how I’d love a Kitchenaid and the whole time he had it sitting in his closet!
I have already used my gorgeous black machine twice since he got it for me. I’m right at home with it too, I grew up with a Kitchenaide. My craptacular GE can hit the curb or go to some other home who doesn’t mind the batter clogging up the beaters (you have to guess which one goes in the slots first and in the right slot or both fall out). Yeah plural there…I like the Kitchenaide beater, bread hook, and flat blade. Oh to Bry, this fit the “flour” theme that goes with this year…supposed to be flower, but I’m not picky, nor am I complaining!
Now I’m tempted to use it today to make my own birthday cake since Bry is catching a cold. I would rather not like to have his germs.
*hugs*
~Jen
